Please... Get Out of Your Own Way!

I just finished reading another interesting book!  This one was by Marshall Goldsmith called "What got you here won't get you there."  Marshall is an executive coach that helps his clients uncover the characteristics they have that are getting in the way of further personal progress and success.

Most people think that because they have been successful to this point they will continue to find success in the future.  This is a dangerous position to be in because there are many things that can get in the way of continued success. He has a list of about 20 habits that the individuals he has worked with were using to the detriment of their own success.  Some of the ones I found most interesting include:

#11 - Claiming credit you don't deserve
#12 - Making excuses
#16 - Not listening
#17 - Failing to express gratitude
#19 - Passing the buck

I thought he made some very valid points in the making excuses and passing the buck sections because although as an individual people might think they are escaping judgement... they really aren't! As he put it "I have never seen feedback that said "I think you are a great leader because I love the quality of your excuses." Or, "I thought you were messing up, but you turned me around when you made those excuses."

In the passing the buck section he said "When was the last time someone said "We think you're a great leader because we love the way you avoid responsibility." Or, "It seemed like you were making a lot of silly mistakes, but you changed my mind when you passed the buck and demonstrated someone else was to blame."  One of the biggest parts of being a leader is being able to take the brunt of problem and filter the message down approapriately through the right channels to make sure the problem gets fixed. 

No one is perfect I am pretty sure everyone gets that at this point!  We all have flaws and many of them.  This book teaches leaders to confront their problems and make themselves better in the process.  Instead of doing it behind closed doors Marshall uses 360 degree anonymous feedback.  He conducts one hour long interview with a list of people the client recommends him to talk to.  By collecting this type of feedback Marshall can ensure that when the feedback he receives isn't easily dismissed by the recipient (sometimes the truth hurts). These were the people the recipient wanted feedback from in order to get better in the first place so they are much more open to getting this information back. 

I thought there was an interesting additional comments when Marshall explained the data collection process though.  The respondents Marshall is interviewing are asked to follow the following 4 rules: 

1. Let go of the past - you are no longer allowed to hold a grudge against the recipient you are giving feedback on.  If you aren't willing to accept this condition you cannot continue to grade the process of the recipient. This makes sense because if the respondent isn't going to move forward then they aren't going to lend a hand in the progress someone who improving. 
2. Tell the truth - the process works best if people are as honest as possible and not just saying what they think the interviewer wants to hear
3. Be supportive and helpful - leave cynicism and negativity out of the process
4. Pick something to improve yourself - this way respondents are more focused on improving than judging and they may also experience how difficult it is to change as well

Another thing I made note of was to watch what you hear other people say about you when you are around.  It helps give you clues as to what you can do to be better.  You can also pay close attention to non-verbal communication which happens when people interact with you.  They give off the true message of how they really feel about you that the words they use may disguise. 

Overall these concepts help to shed light on some key ideas that may help you to get out of your own way which lets success come through a little easier.  You may have old dinosaur habits you are using from a long time ago that no longer fit with the concept of who you are now or who you are capable of being.  Don't be afraid of change!  Life is an evolution and some small changes can sometimes make a very big difference in how you come across to people.

"Powdering" up Before the Game

A few months ago I was at a company golf tournament and one of my co-workers asked me about why his daughter always felt the need to put on a bunch of make-up before playing her hockey games.  She and her teammates religiously applied foundation, powder, eye liner, eye shadow, mascara, lipstick and whatever else they needed to feel “beautiful”.  They would then put on their equipment and headed out onto the ice as if the make-up was part of their uniform.  He knows I am an athlete and wanted to find out from me why she felt the need to do that.  Especially, considering when she emerged at the end of the game she “looked more like Alice Cooper than anything!” (with her eye liner dripping down her cheeks). 

The funny thing about this conversation is that it isn’t the first time I have had it.  A few men have brought it up to me on several occasions.  And to be honest I don’t really get it either. From when I started getting into sports in junior high up until I finished my basketball career in university there were classmates, teammates and friends of mine who battled with this exact thought process. 

After playing a super intense basketball game on a road trip when there was no time to even shower before we headed back on the bus for 3 hours some of my teammates would squeeze themselves back into their 2^nd skin jeans and put on a super tight top.  They also had to swing by the mirror and make sure their hair and makeup looked just right.  The majority of my teammates were more concerned with being comfortable.  We breezed past the washroom to wash the sweat off our faces, threw on the sweatpants and hoody we came in and showed little concern about who was going to see us in the 5 minutes it took us to get back to the van.  It was going to be a dark ride home anyways so we didn’t care. 

I am going to be really honest.  I think makeup when you workout is dumb.  For one who cares about boys when you are in the middle of the game or a workout!  The focus should be on doing your best and that has nothing to do with looking pretty and has everything to do with being yourself.  Putting on make-up before a game is like putting on a mask.  It serves no purpose! When I was out on the court I wanted to be as real as possible and if that meant scoring the most points, playing the best defence or helping my teammates that was the important thing for me.  Of course winning was great too! 

Looking attractive while you play simply to pick up boys leaves you distracted from the purpose of what you came there to do!  Instead get his attention by playing your best and if he doesn’t like you for who you are then he who cares…next!  Boys are like buses if that one passes you by there will be another one no doubt about it.  I have had boyfriends that I met at the gym.  I was wearing a pair of basketball shorts down to my knees a baggy t-shirt that was 2 sizes too big and had my hair pulled back in a super tight pony tail.  He probably noticed me in a pickup game where I was cashing threes on his buddies.  When he came to take me out he couldn’t believe how beautiful I was when I put in a little effort.  Who wants the pressure of looking amazing all the time anyways?  No one in their right mind does.  Sometimes the priority is to be comfy and relaxed and that was when I played my best. 

My second point is makeup probably makes your skin worse.  Think about it!  You put it on and then go out and sweat.  Your skin soaks up the makeup, dirt particles are now stuck to your face because you are sweating and mixing in with your make-up.  On top of that now you have to put on more makeup to cover those breakouts too. At the end of the day, so what if you have a zit here or there it’s part of growing up and being a teenager.  Sure it is fun to look pretty and try some new make-up tips but leave that for another occasion.  You are never going to be in a face off and the other girl says “Wow!  I love your eye makeup… is it Mac?” And if she does then check her into the boards so the “boys” can get a fresh look at her make-up with her face smushed up against the glass!

If anything before you play sports you should washing your makeup off.  You’ll play better if you relax and free your mind of having to be pretty, tough, fierce, soft, aggressive and all of the other qualities that are competing against each other sub-consciously. Enjoy being young because right now you have nothing to cover up just be yourself that’s what is beautiful! (Your dad, uncle, brother, grandpa… think so too and I know this because they told me!)