Locker Room Talk

This week’s blog is coming straight from the heart. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about the statements Donald Trump made into a hot mic that came to light recently.  Although those statements were made 11 years ago they were incredibly hurtful and demeaning to women. Knowing this wasn't just a one time incident.  Trump has had so many sexist statements come out that it is impossible to ignore this last one. The thing that I have noticed is how many men have stepped up on social media and personally to speak up against his statements about women.  Just indicating his comments were “locker room talk” seems to not only excuse it away but to also indicate that all men speak like this in locker rooms which is incredibly untrue.   

Not to mention that men aren't the only people who use locker rooms. Women do too! Now I know that this may be different than the Miss Universe pageant change rooms Trump has bragged about frequenting so that would explain why he may be unclear. I am by no means inviting him in to take a look around but I can say one thing is for sure women aren’t talking this way either.  It is safe to say he was speaking for himself and his comments go far beyond being considered “locker room talk”. 

Everybody knows that when women aren’t around men communicate very differently to one another.  I figured that out early when my family would get together during the holidays.  The men would be in one area to relax after a meal and the women would be in another. I realized from that experience at a young age men change a bit.  They joke around differently, they tease and criticize each other and sometimes they say things that are off side.  They say things that maybe they shouldn’t because they are exaggerating for impact or speaking more freely than they normally do.  Regardless, I know personally and profoundly that there is a huge percentage of men that love, respect and adore women. Trumps comments went too far. 

In the locker rooms I have been in, for the better part of 2 decades, men don’t treat women like that. When I was playing on the team most of my coaches were men and they have always been incredibly respectful to us as players.  Now that I am often the only woman with my teams and the organizations I am apart of I realized something very very important in that once the coaches and players know as well as trust me they no longer see my gender as a huge barrier. So it isn’t that they are softening up due to me being there it’s because they truly don’t talk like that. 

Women are amazing!  I have been told on more than one occasion by men that we are the reason and motivation for why they do so many things they do.  If women weren’t around it would be an incredibly different world. Women make men better and it is true the other way around as well.  We enhance their lives in so many ways and that is something to embrace as well as own.  Our femininity transforms men and that is nothing to be upset about it is a gift.  We play many diverse roles in their lives from mother, nurturer, lover, and sometimes we even have to hold them accountable by being the voice of reason when they might do something truly idiotic.

As I mentioned before I thought about this hot mic incident a lot this week and my thoughts weren’t all negative.  I realize life isn’t perfect but we have come a long way in our journey.  I saw how many of my coaching colleagues and friends spoke up and dismissed this behaviour as being unacceptable.  They were truly offended to be painted with this type of brush. This signals to me that things are getting better.  Many men do have our backs and they sincerely care.  They look out for us in many ways and it has been men at nearly every turn that have helped guide, encourage, support and help in my coaching career consistently since I started out. I am not naive, I am sure there are dark and creepy corners where this Trump style of locker room talk still exists.  However, maybe this incident has helped these men see they don’t want to sound like that anymore and that this kind of dialog is out of style now.  

In closing, instead of seeing it as a fight for equality I look at it as a challenge to restore partnership.  Men and women have amazing values that enhance each other.  Yes these factors are equal in that they balance out but they are by no means the same.  When I am coaching I don’t try to be a man. I can’t do the things that men can do but, they also can’t do what I can do either.  I surround myself with great assistant coaches that help to ensure that balance exists on our coaching team.  When I am the assistant I hope the other coaches feel like I bring something different and balance that table out as well. The point is that it sometimes isn’t about gender it is about owning who you are.  Strong people lift others up.  Strong people have each others' backs.  Strong people unite one another.  Gender has little to do with that and everything to do with supporting people and being the best version of yourself. Due to all of this I like the talk that goes on in all of the locker rooms I have been a part of and if I didn't I would certainly take steps to change it.  I hope all of my players understand the value of all women and choose not to take this type of dinosaur view about life.