Penny Factor

We are all familiar with pennies those tiny obsolete coins that are incredibly rare since Canada stopped making them.  This Penny is even more rare as she has been doing the impossible this week at the Olympics earning herself 4 shiny new medals.  This Penny is a 6’1” sixteen year old with the ability to spark an entire nation with her competitive fire.    

Penny Oleksiak came into the Rio Olympics like a lamb and left like a lion.  She made a serious mark on swimming providing a lot of inspiration to her fellow Olympians and Canadians alike.  Now that her events are all done it seems like the energy she showed is still going strong.  Let’s be honest it is hard not to cheer for her!  She is so passionate, digs deep and has a little bit of a naivety about her that works to her advantage.  Maybe it is because she is still young, or doesn’t know, or maybe it is even that she doesn’t care that medals usually take time to earn.  The amazing thing is that she hasn’t bought into that mentality at all.  

When she gets in the pool on that stage she just goes.  A perfect example of when preparation meets opportunity and does she ever make it look easy. 

Clearly Penny believes anything is possible right now. She got to the Olympics and then went on to peak at the perfect time in her races to earn her medals.

Originally Penny was brought to Rio in order to get used to the Olympic scene so she could become acclimatized to it.  She wasn’t even sure she was going to make the Olympic swimming team.  She earned a bronze by completely sneak attacking the first race she was in.  Nobody saw it coming and she snuck right in at the finish line.  Her second race she earned a silver medal. Her third race her and her teammates won a bronze. Finally in her fourth race she tied to win a gold medal.  

In the process of single handedly erasing a 20 year medal drought for the Canadian swimming team.  Penny has inspired many of her teammates showing by example they can do the same.  She is now tied for winning 4 medals at one single Olympics. She is also the first Canadian to win 4 medals at a summer games not bad at all for someone who was supposed to only be acclimatizing herself to the Olympics.  

Penny said in an interview “Coming in here I didn’t think I was going to medal as much as I did an go the times that I went but I’m pretty proud of myself with all my other races and everything and I couldn’t have asked for more. I’m just really happy with myself honestly.”

It isn’t just the medals she has won personally that matter it is also the inspiration she has provided her teammates so that they could see it was possible for them to do it to. When Roger Bannister was the first to break the 4 minute mile back in 1954 it had never been done before.  Pretty soon many athletes were able to break that time limit.  Now it is a benchmark for middle distance runners to reach. Other teammates have been inspired by her and were also able to win medals because she made it look easy. Sometimes it is just a matter of releasing that mental block and going for it.  

It’s hard to look at this story and think what if Penny was left behind and someone else got to come instead.  As a coach trying to determine the types of athletes that can have break out performances like this is incredibly challenging if not impossible.  The important part is as an athlete to put in the work and know there are no shortcuts to success.  Some athletes, like Penny, are naturally very gifted the biggest part Penny has shown is to not give up and to put everything you have into the one race. Then do the same for the next race and then the one after that too.  As an athlete when given the opportunity always channel that passion and play with heart.  Even when mistakes are made as it can make a really big difference to the team.  

Blazing a trail is never easy its especially hard when the odds are stacked against you.  Working hard and taking your lessons often goes under the radar.  No one knew who Penny was at her last competition she wasn’t a household name then and wasn’t accomplished the way she is now.  Hopefully, she is given the tools to help deal with the pressure that comes with succeeding at this level so we can see her thrive again at the next Olympics.  What a performance!  

The Importance of Consistency

Being consistent is something that can help in every line of work.  The importance of consistency is incredibly high.  Think of how critical consistency is in the life of a a surgeon, fire fighter, soldier or Prime Minister/President.  After all,  in these roles people’s lives depend on your ability to deliver every single time you are called to action. Consistency can be life and death in those roles because if you have a bad day or make the wrong choice people could die.    

On a less critical level imagine you have waited for years and you finally get the opportunity to see one of your favourite singers or bands perform. You are so excited and the atmosphere is absolutely electric.  Then they take the stage and the performance is terrible.  It lacks energy, they forgot the words to their songs and overall they just seem really off. Suddenly you feel completely dejected and disappointed. You waited so long for this and now you are just let down thinking it was a waste of your time and money.   

So when we talk about consistency on a basketball court it is very important. Often the coaches jobs depend on the players ability to perform.  The higher the level of competition the more consistency becomes a factor.  Coaches will make decisions based upon consistency because in crunch time or at the end of a game this will be the time when the smallest factors need to be controlled the most. 

So what are some of the ways an athlete can become more consistent?

1 - Find Your Optimal Performance Level  

Know your performance level and figure out how to find it. The way to figure this out is to think back to the state you were in when you had your best game or go with what felt good for you when you were playing.  The trick is to get that feeling to repeat where you are in that “just right” state.  Some athletes naturally get very hyped up before a game so they are going to have to learn to bring those levels down. Some athletes need to pump themselves up so they need to do something that gets them ready to play.  One of the key factors for many athletes is not being too high or too low however every athlete is unique so it is up to you to figure out what works best for you.  

2 - Pre-Performance Ritual 

Recently, football player JJ Watt surprisingly revealed that his pre-game ritual involves listening to Adele music before he plays.   Athletes can be incredibly unwavering and even have very strange pre-performance rituals that can almost be superstitious to some degree. They can get to the court hours in advance just to start their OCD shooting rituals.  They might have a particular pair of shoes they have to wear or have to talk to someone special before they play.  Figure out what yours is and it may be something simple or incredibly complex.  At the end of the day if it makes you play better that’s what matters.  Keep in mind though with things that are complex if they mess you up or take you in the wrong direction before you even start the game.  It may need to be altered in order to be more repeatable. Getting into the correct mental state is critical to a consistent performance. 

3 - Practice How You Want to Play in the Game

So many athletes don’t take practice as serious as they should.  This is probably the biggest area of improvement I have noticed over the years that I have been involved with coaching basketball.  Players at lower levels often go haphazardly through practice after practice and when the game starts they wonder why they played poorly. They miraculously had a bad game but they don’t put together the practices that lead to those games as critical to their performance.  When you attend a successful university or college practice you can see the level of intensity is the same or greater than in a game. This should give you an indication as to how important this is.  

Playing at your best isn’t like a switch you can turn off and on at will.  Players who make that mistake are really doing themselves and their team a disservice. It has to do with having your state of performance be consistent and elevated every time you step on the court.  You should want to prove to all of your teammates the reason you are there is to be the best player on the court and in the process you will make them better too. This would then be the same rule when you play against opponents.    

4 - Dealing with Adversity 

You don’t always have control over what happens to you but you do have control over how you react to it.  There are going to be obstacles in a game that get in the way of your optimal performance.  No player is going to be perfect or even great every single night.  Sometimes no matter how hard you try the ball just won’t go into the hoop. Sometimes you are a step slow and everything seems to be going wrong.  You might pick up a couple of fouls and you end up on the bench. The way you you react to this will determine your success. To counteract this continue to play team defence, get your teammates a great shot, set great screens, or box out your check so they don’t get an easy rebound.  If you are on the bench help your teammates by letting them know the time on the shot clock, cheer for them and give them ideas of things you see that can help them succeed.  By focusing on these elements you can take the focus off yourself and it might help you to get back into the flow of your own game much faster.  

In closing, consistency is a key factor to succeeding at high levels of sport. Coaches like to be able to some degree accurately predict how you will be in certain situations.  The more consistent and predictable you are the easier it is for them to depend on you when the game is on the line.  If you are on the bench when the game is on the line then what that is telling you is that you aren't predictable with your performances.  Work on your consistency in order to put yourself into a position to succeed. It is a relatively small thing that if done properly can really be a difference maker to your game as well as the success of your team.  

True Toughness

It gets frustrating sometimes watching basketball when a player makes a play they think is tough and they do something like pound their chest, scream into the sky or flex their muscles to show off their strength and prowess for that moment.  It is especially frustrating when the play was all about them.  In this article I want to challenge these displays of toughness and substitute them with items that as a coach I believe are true elements of what should be considered tough.  

Basketball is a team sport.  It is the contribution of all the members of the team that lead to the success as well as the failure of the group.  Too many times we look at individual players and give them too much credit for why their team was able to succeed.  Sometimes it is the sacrifice as well as contributions of other members of that team that have allowed the individual person to be able to get to where they are.  When you are part of a team nobody does it alone.  Here are my top elements that account for True Toughness:

6) Picking Up Teammates - When a teammate hits the ground because they were going for a lose ball or maybe got knocked over in the heat of battle.  There is nothing more powerful then having their teammates hustle over and pick them up when they are down.  It is a powerful acknowledgement of their sacrifice and a way to show some care to the person who was taken down.  This goes for when they are defeated emotionally as well.  Giving them support is critical for the success of the team.  Sometimes I think it can also be powerful and tough when an opponent is taken down on a dirty play that wasn’t intentional for the player to help them up as a form of apology to say they didn’t mean to hurt them is a powerful gesture as well.  

5) Boxing Out and Rebounding - Not letting an opponent get second chances when they take a shot at your basket is incredibly powerful.  Making the sacrifice to put a body on someone and push them back is a very big deal.  Rebounding can be a very telling statistic because typically the team that wins the rebounding war is the team that ends up being victorious at the end of the game.  Boxing out and rebounding are not the most glorified parts of the game.  They are the small elements that lead to the big things.  There is nothing worse than when you have done your job.  Put a body on someone and then one of your teammates check runs right passed you and gets the ball. Rebounding has less to do about height and has everything to do with heart.  Holding your check off to get the rebound is tough.    

4) Making the Extra Pass - Passing up a good shot for a great shot is critical when it comes to toughness.  When you pass up “my shot” to making it “our shot” that is really where team toughness comes in.  Everyone can jack up a shot that is ill-advised.  Having the knowledge and the toughness to stick with your team philosophy in order to take the correct shot is so powerful.  

3) Setting Great Screens - Getting teammates open by setting great screens is such a tough thing to do.  Setting a timely great screen that is used at the correct time is such a tough thing to do.  Often times the recipient of the screen goes too fast when it comes to using it.  The rhythm of when the screen is set and then used is such an important element in basketball.  Being tough enough to pass up your own glory to get someone else open to make a play is so critical to being considered tough.  Also, being tough enough to tell them when to use it properly is important as well.  Communicate your intentions to make your team better.  

2) Finishing Plays - One of the most powerful plays in basketball is the “And 1” play.  The play where you take the ball to the basket and get fouled then finish the basket anyways.  This is such a momentum changer and a way to show unbelievable spirit.  To get to take an extra shot at the free throw line after your shot when in when you were fouled is a big time momentum changers.  

1) Taking a Charge - Out of all the tough things that can be done on the court taking a charge is a favourite.  This is one of the biggest momentum changer. of all  Whenever a player takes a charge it is a testament to that player’s love for their teammates.  To stand there and not move while someone runs into them full speed is so powerful and is the epitome of toughness.  When your teammate does that they should be given a standing ovation and applauded for their extremely selfless efforts. Players should be around them to pick them up and dust them off.    

Taking time to celebrate your teammates instead of yourself is the right way to do it.  Using your passion, enthusiasm and energy to give them the credit for their contributions encourages the bonds between teammates.  When you do something well on either side of the court whether it is on offence or on defence it is critical to be able to get back to work on the next possession.  Too many times players spend time celebrating their accomplishment just to have the other team come back and make a play while the celebration of the previous play is underway.  Being tough means being aware of what is going on around you and not giving up easy plays to the other team.  Celebrate when the game is over. True toughness revolves around staying engaged and remaining focused until the final buzzer sounds.  

U18 Men Claim Silver at FIBA Americas

This article was posted on the Canada Basketball website after the Men’s U18 Gold Medal Final yesterday between Canada and the US.  Canada Basketball has a very exciting things in store for the future so I thought I would share this article with you.      

VALDIVIA, CHILE - The U18 Men's National Team is bringing home silver after a hugely successful showing at the 2016 FIBA Americas U18 Men's Championship, where Team Canada qualified for next summer's FIBA U19 Men's World Championships in Cairo.

Canada wrapped things up by giving the United States all it could handle before coming up just short, 99-84, in the gold medal final on Saturday. 

"We are disappointed because we believe we had a real shot to bring home a gold for our country, but extremely proud of our group for fighting through injury and adversity and never giving up,” said Team Canada coach Roy Rana. “Canada should be proud of these young men. They battled hard for our country. We will continue to strive for improvement and look to represent at next year's Worlds in Cairo."

Canada's starting five included Shai Gilgeous-Alexander, O'Shae Brissett, Josip Vrankic, Nickeil Walker and Lindell Wigginton Click here for full team roster.

Walker led Canada with 25 points and shot a scorching seven-for-14 on three-pointers. Abu Kigab had a double-double, 17 points and 11 rebounds, off the bench, while Brissett contributed 11 points and seven boards for Canada. Team USA's top point scorer was Markelle Fultz with 23. For game boxscore click here.

Canada battled back from an early 15-9 deficit to cut Team USA's lead to 24-23 after one quarter. Wigginton led Team Canada with 8 points in the opening quarter.

The two sides went back and forth in the second quarter, trading baskets and swapping leads before Team USA scored the final seven points of the half to take a 48-44 lead at the break. Abu Kigab, who had already made two three-points in the first quarter, made three more in the second period for Canada.

Walker helped keep Canada close throughout the second half, scoring eight points in both the third and fourth quarters.

Jordan Henry hit a jumper with just under three minutes remaining in the third to pull Canada within six at 65-59, before the Americans finished the frame on a 10-4 run to take a 75-63 lead with 10 minutes to play.

Trailing 80-65, Canada made an inspired comeback attempt, with a 15-2 surge that nearly erased the Americans' lead. Canada got as close as two points, 82-80, midway through the fourth.

Prior to Saturday's contest, Team Canada was 4-0 at Americas. Canada finished first in Group A and defeated Puerto Rico 83-66 in a semi-final on Friday.

By finishing second, Canada equals its all-time best result in the history FIBA Americas U18 Men's Championships, which it achieved with a silver medal in 2014.

Farewell Tim Duncan

There was no farewell tour, countless speaking engagements or a city by city egotistical centre court goodbye followed by a presentation of a useless gift.  There was no special press conference or a show to announce he was taking his talents to the retirement home.  Instead the announcement was made with no ego, no pretentiousness, no “look at me” I accomplished so much in my career bull crap.  When Tim Duncan retired he did it in the classiest way imaginable.  A basic press release was sent out to inform people that after 19 years playing for the San Antonio Spurs he wouldn’t be back.  Then there was a simple personal message signed by Tim to thank the fans, his coaches as well as admitting that looking back there was no way he could have scripted this journey for himself.   

Perhaps the most amazing turn of events was when when Gregg Popovich the Head Coach of the Spurs, who is very well known for avoiding interactions with the press, held a press conference to bid Duncan farewell.  The most amazing part of all was during the process of Pop talking about Tim Duncan he ended up getting emotional and chocked back tears a couple of times. The last thing anyone would describe Pop as is emotional so to see him in that rare form was a testament to their bond with one another. Duncan and Pop have won 1001 games together which is the most of any player/coach combination. They have more wins together than some NBA teams have. 

One of the moments that was incredibly touching was when Coach Pop talked about how people play that hypothetical game about who they would choose to have dinner with out of all sorts of celebrities or world leaders.  Pop said his choice would be to have dinner with Tim because “He’s the most real, consistent, true person I’ve ever met.” He said he is incredibly funny as well as a deep thinker.  

It was also really touching when Pop talked about promising Tim’s dad on his death bed that he would ensure Tim was the same person at the beginning of his NBA journey as at the end of his career.  Everyone would agree that definitely was something Pop was very serious about and was successful in achieving. 

Tim Duncan was very well known for being an amazing teammate.  He cared a lot about his teammates often taking less money in order to have a championship level team.  One of the most special bonds he had was with David Robinson when he first came into the league.  Those two guys seemed from the outside to have an incredible relationship with one another.  Steve Kerr who now coaches with the Golden State Warriors had the opportunity to play with Tim Duncan and said he was a phenomenal teammate and fun to play with.    

A player like Tim Duncan is irreplaceable.  There are a few things I will never forget about watching him over the years.  The first one is with regards to how fundamentally sound he was.  He played basketball in such a unique way in that he had impeccable footwork, used the backboard to bank shots in from the blocks and always had a strong defensive presence.  He had an amazing hook shot and he consistently played a style of basketball that lulled many into thinking he would play forever.  The last thing that I never ever got tired of seeing was when a referee missed or made a call that he didn’t agree with.  This facial expression would come to his face.  Tim Duncan always shows what he thinks by the looks on his face.   

The way he ended his career was similar to how he played it.  He let his game speak for itself.  It is fitting that although Duncan was originally from the Virgin Islands at least some of the Texas cowboy culture over the years must have impacted him.  Duncan chose the perfect Cowboy ending for his amazing basketball career in that he just simply did what all the best cowboys do he rode off into the sunset.  So long Timmy you will be missed greatly!

No Canada

It is really disappointing to watch the Canadian Senior Men’s National Team falter after getting to the Final for the Olympic qualifier in the Philippines this morning.  They got all the way to the Final in Manila missing many of their NBA players which would have definitely given a powerful boost to end off the tournament with a trip to the Rio Olympics on the line.  The last time Canada went to the Olympics was in 2000 when Steve Nash seemingly single handedly willed the team to victory by orchestrating the team’s success at many turns.  The analysis of this last game was that not much has changed since those days in many ways because it seemed to be a very similar style of game.  Just subtract Nash add in Corey Joseph and it looked like it was a one man show.  The effort was definitely there in many of the games throughout the tournament but today there was a noticeable difference in the level of play especially once the defence picked up for France.  The defensive effort was less than impressive for Canada.  The costly turnovers and mental lapses at the end of quarters in this final game were the critical elements that ended Canada’s Olympic dreams today.  The clock wasn’t managed properly and it lead to some key momentum swings that benefitted France.      

France was a tough opponent in this morning’s game.  They got solid performances from their NBA veterans Tony Parker and Boris Diaw.  Tony Parker really put his finger prints on the game realizing this may be the last time that he will represent his country at the Olympic level.  He also is waiting for the birth of his second child any day now.  He and his wife decided together that he would be part of the qualifying tournament as well as the Olympics so it was evident in his play that there was something more he was playing for.  Very few life events trump the birth of a child. So, when that is on the line the ability to dig deep really becomes evident.   

Many of the Canadian NBA players that opted not to play in the qualifying tournament had their own reasons.  It is hard to judge them as the circumstances are different for each one of them.  In some cases injuries are to blame like Kelly Olynyk who just had shoulder surgery or a new contract in the case of Andrew Nicholson who was a big time difference maker in the Pan Am games last summer.  Jamal Murray is a rookie coming out of the draft and his contract wasn’t signed in time for him to be on the roster for Canada this year.  Other players like Andrew Wiggins, Dwight Powell, Nik Stauskas and Robert Sacre are trying to solidify their positions on the rosters of their current teams which are in flux for various reasons.  Each of these players are probably dealing in pressurized situation of competing at a very high level.  Some players such as Trey Lyles were not allowed to play due to their NBA team locking all the international players down to focus on the upcoming NBA season.  

Some excuses to the outside world might seem lame and disappointing especially when you see a player like Tony Parker coming out to represent his country when his wife is due to have a baby.  He is nearing the end of his career but clearly he finds value in not only representing his country.  He is probably focusing on sharpening his skills, learning some new things but most importantly providing leadership to new players coming up.  It isn’t always as cut and dry as to why players don’t represent their country.  It needs to be noted that the players may be dealing with political situations with their NBA organizations not being as supportive as the country may hope.  These leaders may not necessarily view international experience and success as positive. Instead it may be seen as a detractor and putting more “miles on an athlete” or increase risks they view as unnecessary.  These athlete they are investing millions of dollars into can cause the owners to get proprietary.  I have heard people criticize these players for their absence and it has to be said it must be a tough choice to make (if it is even their choice). There is a joy in representing your country but there are also inherent risks as well of injuries a lot of money is on the line and with that comes more layers of choices to navigate. USA basketball probably deals with the very same thing but because they are so deep with the number of athletes they can draw on the impact isn’t felt as much.    

Now with Steve Nash at the helm of the Men’s National Team program if he can’t reach this crop of new players to come out and play for the Canadian National team then maybe it just can’t be done.  The focus might need to be shift to build a different relationship with the players sooner and before they get to the NBA level.  Perhaps the draw is the development of other players who will benefit from the international experience.  Let’s be honest Canada has no shortage of talent at the moment we are a big time hot bed for basketball.  Maybe the draw needs to be the development and experience piece.  Melvin Ejim really showed his worth in an consistent effort throughout the qualifying tournament and in past events.  Anthony Bennett has used his Pan Am  experience and this qualifying tournament to breathe life back into his faltering career.  The Scrubb brothers had moments of promise over the course of the tournament.  It was nice to see Tyler Ennis make an appearance in this tournament.  Maybe instead of focusing on guys who are already at the NBA level and who got there without the National Team’s “help” the focus needs to be on the up and coming guys that could use the experience to get to the next level. This is happening to some degree already with the presence of some of the players that were selected on the team this time around like Shai Alexander who plays for the Florida Gators and Jamal Murray last year before he went to Kentucky.  It is also happening with the players that are coming up through the ranks of the Cadet and Junior National Teams.  

The women’s national team has been seeing some success as of late with a steady representation of athletes that keep coming back over time.  This loyalty is missing from the men’s side of the game.  It is incredibly hard to have success when there is a revolving door of different athletes coming in and out for these events.  The ability to solidify a chemistry as well as learning offensive and defensive systems in only a few weeks is incredibly challenging for any team and coaching staff.  It is yet another layer to add on to a pressure filled situation. Maybe adding in more training camps and those types of elements into the men’s program will help to keep the continuity and loyalty growing for them over the next couple of years.  The chance to learn from Jay Triano, Steve Nash and Rowan Barrett has to be a huge draw on some level for these players.  

As a side note it must be said that the loyalty and patriotism Tristan Thompson showed after winning the NBA Championship this year was incredibly inspiring.  Seeing him play in the qualifying tournament was really special and there is no doubt that he is one of the biggest difference makers in terms of doing the little things that kept the team in these games consistently.  If nothing else this tournament showed that Canada Basketball is back on the rise it is just going to take some more commitment and time to get going in the right direction still though. It was going to be a long shot to make it back to the olympics through this style of tournament as it was.  This team had a chance to qualify for Rio earlier, with many of the NBA athletes that missed this time around, they lost to Venezuela by 1 point.  It seems that perhaps participating in the Olympics isn't a goal for these athletes currently hopefully that will change over time. The truth remains if our best players aren’t in the conversation to represent our country it is going to be incredibly hard to make an impact at the International level. Consistency and chemistry can be the difference makers but the commitment to each other is something that needs to be a priority with this group.  

Life Lessons from My "Old School" Sports Dad

I really liked this Life Lesson from My "Old School" Sports Dad blog that I found on Changing the Game Project so I thought I would share this with you.  

I remember the conversation like it was yesterday.

I was a sophomore in high school, and I was mad. I was offended. I was aggrieved… I had been benched.

When I got home from school, I wanted someone to tell me how I was right, and the coach was wrong. I wanted someone to tell me that I was great, and my teammates who had replaced me were not. I wanted someone to validate my feelings..

Luckily for me, I had chosen to have my “woe is me” talk with my dad. He was an old school guy, born and raised in the Bronx. He had been forced to retire from his dream job — the NY City Fire Department — after destroying his back during a fire. Life had been good to him, and tough to him, and he certainly wasn’t intending to make it easy on me.

His goal wasn’t to make me feel better that day. His goal was to make me BE better.

“John,” he said, “regardless of whether you think your coach is right or wrong, regardless of whether you think you are better or worse than your teammates, that is really all beside the point.”

I sat quietly. You do not interrupt my dad.

“The question you have to ask yourself is ‘have I done everything in my control to earn a starting spot?’”

I thought about it. “Yes, I’m better than those guys,” I protested.

“That is not what I am talking about,” he said. “That’s one man’s opinion. Here are some things that are not. Do you show up early and do extra work? Do you stay after and work on your game, or even run laps and improve your fitness? Do you pick up the cones when training is done? Have you gotten up before school yet this season to do extra work on the track, or against the kick back wall?”

“No,” I answered, not liking where this was heading.

“Well, until you have done anything and everything you can do to show your coach and teammates beyond any doubt who deserves to be out there, you have nothing to complain about. I suggest you get back to work and leave your coach no choice but to put you in, because right now he clearly has a choice.”

Conversation: TERMINATED.

This was a defining moment for me as an athlete. Our relationship was not always rosy when it came to sports, There were certainly other things he said and did that did not affect me in a positive manner. For whatever reason, though, this lesson had the desired effect. From that day forward, as a high school, collegiate and professional player, I always believed that I had nothing to say until my actions spoke first. It was up to me to leave no doubt. In the words of inspirational former Cornell Lacrosse player George Boiardi, as told by Jon Gordon in his great book The Hard Hat: 21 Ways to be a Great Teammate, 

“Well done is better than well said.”

I get a lot of emails and inquiries about kids ‘playing out of position,’ about being ‘forced’ to play for a tough coach and struggling for playing time. Since the recent changes in US Soccer birth years, I have heard a ton about kids having difficulties adapting to new teammates and age groups. And I get it.

As a parent, I worry about my kids and how they will react to adversity. I get anxious when they encounter difficulty, when they are pushed extremely hard, and when they want to give up. I get frustrated when they struggle. I get scared that my December birthday daughter is at a disadvantage now in soccer due to her relative age. I don’t like to see them fail, because deep down, every time they fail it feels like a part of me is failing, and that doesn’t sit very well with me.

Yes, I want to intervene. I want to help them feel better, just like I wanted to feel better.

And then I catch myself. I think what would my dad say?

My parents were great supporters of my sporting journey, and in honor of Father’s Day, I wanted to share a bit of my dad’s wisdom that extended well beyond the soccer field, the wrestling mat, and the baseball diamond.

Here are ten lessons my dad taught me in sports that have carried me through life:

1 As Confucius says, “Do not worry that no one knows you; seek to be worth knowing”In other words, until you have done everything in your power to influence a situation, quit whining and start doing.

2 Be coachable: Be a great listener, pay attention, and do what the coach tells you, even when you see others doing the opposite and being rewarded for it

3 If you are going to do something, do it right: Make a commitment and fulfill it. Do more than is asked, not simply the bare minimum required for participation. You can go fishing, go to that party, and go skiing when your commitment is done, but until then you owe it to your teammates to be all in.

4 Be honest: When someone asks your opinion, tell the truth. It is not always easy, and it is not always fun, but one day you will have a reputation as a person who others can go to when they need a hard, honest truth, not just someone who makes you feel better. The former is a true friend, and the other is just a fan. Be a friend.

5 Shake hands, look people in the eye, and say “thank you:” This demonstrates respect to coaches, officials and other people who have taken the time and effort to make your game, and your sport, possible.

6 Be patient: Being really good at anything is a marathon. Some people may grow before you, and thus be bigger, faster and taller than you, but so what? That will all eventually even out, and then what? Will you be a better player, or someone who gave up because life didn’t hand you all the breaks right away?

7 Embrace both failure and success: You want to do your best to win, but what matters more than the scoreboard is how you learned and developed. Don’t ignore mistakes because you won, and don’t dwell on them because you lost. Everyone makes mistakes, so you might as well make them trying to make a play, instead of trying not to make mistakes.

8 Don’t slouch and pout: Your body language and your attitude matter. They affect how coaches, teammates and others perceive you, and if you are going to be a leader, no one really cares how you are feeling right now. Suck it up and be positive.

9 Don’t hold a grudge: My dad coached high school soccer in various capacities for 17 years, and then was unceremoniously fired one season after a couple of parental complaints. I say unceremoniously because most years he donated his coaching salary to the school scholarship fund to help needy athletes. He bought equipment when the school had no budget. He ran extra training in the off season at no charge to players or families. It broke his heart when he was let go, and yet the next year he once again donated to the school scholarship fund. I asked him why. “They do a lot of good for so many kids,” he said. “It’s not those kids fault, and they should not be the ones who suffer.”

10 Be humble: Whether you win or lose, be humble. It’s just a game, and today was your day. Tomorrow might be theirs. Respect the officials, coaches, and your opponents, because chances are you will see them again someday beyond the sports field, and what you do on it will affect how they think of you.

Mark Twain once said “When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.”

My dad is 81 this year, and he sure has learned a lot!

In all seriousness, though, my dad’s health has not been that great recently, and I have come to value and enjoy our conversations and our time together so much more. I wish I paid better attention when I was younger. He has taught me a lot about sports, and about life. I use those ten lessons above everyday in coaching, in running a business, in my marriage, and most importantly in my interaction with my own children. They don’t always like it, and they don’t always want it.

But they do often need it, and hopefully they will thank me someday, just as I am doing today.

Thanks Dad. For everything.